So the first post-primary meeting of John McCain and Barack Obama will be at an evangelical mega-church in the O.C. and will be moderated by the pastor?  There’s something not quite right about that.

I was watching a little late-night TV last night when this appeared on my screen:

• $350 returns one Jew
• $700 returns two Jews
• $1400 returns four Jews

I was nonplussed. Was this some neo-Nazi infomercial? Can people pay $1400 to have the Jewish family down the street deported?

Not exactly. It’s a program created by the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews that assists Soviet Jews who want to relocate to Israel.

The plight of Soviet Jews, who suffered greatly under Stalin, is a tragedy, so it is certainly noble to provide them with financial assistance. Yet I can’t help but wonder if there is a motive other than charity involved in this Fellowship. Namely, the Rapture. The return of the Jews to Israel, is a sign, or perhaps in the minds of some, a trigger, for the Second Coming.

The establishment–and continuation–of the State of Israel is essential to set the stage for the imminent return of Jesus. At the time of the Second Coming, these Christians believe, Jesus will descend from heaven, subdue all of Israel’s enemies and take believers to heaven in what is known as the Rapture–literally, they will ascend to the clouds to be in heaven. This series of events ushers in the end-times. According to conservative Christians’ reading of the Book of Revelation, this won’t happen unless Israel exists in the Holy Land.

So what happens once your sponsored Jewish family arrives in Isreal and triggers the End Times? According to Dominionist belief “all Jews who do not convert to Christianity supposedly will be incinerated as the believers are lifted into heaven.”

For the unincinerated who are left behind, I have excerpted the following financial advice from The Post Rapture Survival Guide.

The debit card will become the tool for all personal financial transactions. However, at some point after the rapture, probably right after the two witnesses are killed, everyone will be required to get a mark on their right hand or forehead in order to buy and sell. Do not, do not, do not under any circumstances participate by receiving this mark. All those who receive this mark known as “the mark of the beast” are doomed for eternity. By taking this mark you are swearing allegiance to the anti-christ.

I can see the marketing campaign now. Capital One: What’s stamped on your forehead?